


Wish You Were Here

by themadhatter_666



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Sad Bjorn, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 18:38:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17647811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themadhatter_666/pseuds/themadhatter_666
Summary: Bjorn remembers his relationship with Halfdan





	Wish You Were Here

**Author's Note:**

> I got into my feels about Halfdan and this happened

It seems strange how someone can enter your life, change it completely and then leave in such a short amount of time. Bjorn knows he can’t blame Halfdan for leaving. He had no say in when he died. It didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. Bjorn can’t help it, sometimes he stays up at night staring at the ceiling remembering all the times he and Halfdan had spent together. Bjorn cries sometimes, alone, in the dark remembering the love they has shared. He would never forgive Halfdan for dying, but Bjorn would rejoice when he entered Valhalla and Halfdan would be there waiting for him.

Bjorn was doing that this night, he was lying in the bed that had become _their_ bed. He was on his sides staring at the space that once was occupied by Halfdan. Bjorn can vividly see what Halfdan would be doing, if he was there. He’d be lying on his side his head propped up on his hand, looking at Bjorn, smiling. Halfdan was always smiling. He’d be running a finger up and down Bjorn’s chest teasingly. Bjorn would call him out for it, teasing him all the time, Halfdan would say he wasn’t teasing, and that Bjorn should focus on things other than sex.

Halfdan had become the person Bjorn loved most, it had surprised Bjorn. He hadn’t seen it coming. Halfdan and Bjorn didn’t have the most conventional beginning to their romance. It made Bjorn smile fondly now, if only he could go back in time and knock some sense into himself. Halfdan had always said that he had known from the beginning that they would end up together. Bjorn hadn’t seen it like that at first, but Halfdan was always right. Even when Bjorn didn’t want to admit it. Bjorn clenches his eyes shut tight remembering everything, missing Halfdan with everything.

They first kissed in a tent in Sicily. Bjorn remembers it so well, he can still taste Halfdan on his tongue, he can feel his hands on his face, the way Halfdan sounded. They were laying down, talking, talking had never been Bjorn’s strongest suit, but Halfdan made it so easy. He made Bjorn feel good about himself. Bjorn couldn’t help but stare at Halfdan as he chatted about his dreams of exploring and discovering. Bjorn had been awestruck by Halfdan, he was far more interesting than Harald ever could be.

Halfdan caught Bjorn staring, he smiled at Bjorn like he was the sun. It made Bjorn feel warm all over and when Halfdan pressed his lips against Bjorn’s, Bjorn couldn’t find it in himself to push him away. He instead curled an arm around Halfdan pulling him closer, pushing his mouth harder against Halfdan, trying to get as much of Halfdan as he could. Halfdan’s hand found it’s way into Bjorn’s hair, his tongue pushing into Bjorn’s mouth. It was intoxicating, Bjorn had never felt like this about anyone. That night ended with Halfdan in Bjorn’s lap, both of them smiling into each other’s mouths as they rocked against each other.

The two of them, fumbled around for weeks afterwards, kissing in dark corner, rocking against each other at night when they were all alone. Halfdan couldn’t keep his hands off Bjorn and Bjorn secretly was thrilled. It was the most fun Bjorn had ever had. It changed though, that night in Africa, when Bjorn slept with that girl. Bjorn hadn’t known at the time how much it had hurt Halfdan. It had changed them. Halfdan was keeping his distance, Bjorn was confused. Bjorn had wrapped his arm Halfdan that night, trying to pull him closer, pressing kisses to the back of Halfdan’s neck only for Halfdan to pretend to be asleep.

It’s not until after the sandstorm, when Bjorn is pulling Halfdan away to safety is when everything clicks into place. Once they are away safely, but not quite at the boats. Bjorn is confessing everything, he remembers it both with embarrassment and happiness. He needs Halfdan in his life, needs them to be more. Halfdan is kissing him before Bjorn can even finish. They’re falling into the sand, Bjorn on top of Halfdan, kissing each other with so much passion and love, Bjorn is aching, he needs Halfdan in a way he never even imagined.

Bjorn aches now in a different way. He’s alone and no one understands. He can’t tell anyone. He’s angry. He wants Halfdan back, he wants to hold him again. To kiss him, to hear Halfdan tell him he loves him. Bjorn doesn’t want to cry anymore. He doesn’t want to hurt anymore. He imagines this is how his father felt when Athelstan died. He’s never felt closer to his father, even if it’s a dark twisted thing, it hurts. Bjorn has lost so much in his life and nothing has hurt as much as losing Halfdan.

Halfdan tells Bjorn he loves him first. It was obviously always going to Halfdan first, he was so much braver about their relationship than Bjorn ever was. It was so natural as well, they were in their bed, wrapped up in each other. That had become Bjorn’s favourite place in the whole world. Halfdan’s legs are wrapped around Bjorn’s waist, one hand on Bjorn’s head, the other around his neck. Bjorn’s still leaning on his elbows next to Halfdan’s head, nuzzling Halfdan’s neck, pressing wet kisses there. Halfdan says it just like that, like he had said it a thousand times before.

Bjorn mutters it back and he can feel Halfdan smile against his shoulder. Bjorn wishes he could be in that moment. He wishes he could have told Halfdan just one more time that he loved, kissed him one more time. When Bjorn’s at his worst sometimes he wishes he had died with Halfdan. Nothing will ever compare to Halfdan, no matter how hard he tries. He doesn’t want anyone else to compare to Halfdan. So, as he lies there in bed preparing for battle, he wishes Halfdan was there to tell him everything will be fine. He wishes Halfdan was there to kiss him. He wishes everything was different.

He wishes that Halfdan was alive.

                                                                                                                                                            


End file.
